Marriage in Music?

Al Mohler gives an interesting observation that Pop music does not frequently talk about marriage.

A Small Shift Can Kill You!

Have you ever thought about the difference between life and death could be just a matter of inches. A car wreck happens and it is inches from puncturing the gas tank, which would blow everybody up. A baseball flies into the crowd and hits a man in the ear instead of his temple. Cancer is in one part of the body and it curable, but if it was in the organs just inches away, it would be fatal. A little shift can be very important.

Throughout the last few years there has been a little shift in the view of the doctrine of the Trinity in the Christian church. The bible teaches that Christ submits to the Father…God the Father “appointed” Jesus to be the heir of all things (Hebrews 1:2). This is called the “economic subordination” of Christ in that he submits to God the Father. However, many who are fighting against complementarianism (the idea that men and women were created equally valued as image bearers of God, yet have different roles) feel that Jesus does not have to submit to the Father. They say there is a “mutual submission” between the Father and the Son and this shows that wives do not have to submit to their husbands. As Grudem points out, “No passage in Scripture and no recognized writer throughout the history of the church supports the idea of ‘mutual submission’ in the Trinity. It is an egalitarian invention created to justify the egalitarian idea of mutual submission in marriage.” To go against the history of the church raises a red flag, but to make up an argument that cannot be supported with Scripture is shameful. This is not just “messing” with the roles of men and women in marriage, it is shifting the Doctrine of God into categories that are outside of the Bible.

Are many complementarian homes practically gender-neutral?

Here is a helpful article from our friends at the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

CBMW leader: Are many complementarian homes practically gender-neutral?



Thursday, February 1st, 2007
by Jeff Robinson

Many Christian men do not know how to exercise biblical leadership in their homes and in practice deny the Scripture’s demands that call men to lead, protect and provide for their families, Randy Stinson, leader of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) told students Wednesday at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Stinson, who serves as CBMW’s executive director and as dean of the School of Leadership and Church Ministry at Southern Seminary, said many evangelical homes inadvertently ignore the teaching of God’s Word regarding gender roles.

"Way too many evangelical homes do exactly what James (the New Testament author) says people who are self-deceived do: they are hearers of the Word of God and not doers," Stinson said.

"I am very concerned that most evangelical Christian men don’t know what leadership in the home should look like."

A Christian husband is not leading his home simply by providing the "tie-breaking vote" on difficult decisions, Stinson said. Instead, Stinson argued that leadership in the home requires intentional, sacrificial—and often difficult—effort if a man is to lead his family in the manner that God has called him.

Stinson pointed out that some egalitarians insist that there is no such thing as a complementarian home because most Christian homes function in an egalitarian manner with both the husband and wife leading in turn.

The egalitarian assertion is precisely the opposite of reality, Stinson said, because when two people are put together in a relationship, one of them will ultimately lead.

"Frankly, I would argue that there is no such thing as an egalitarian home," Stinson said. "They (Christian homes) are all complementarian, it’s just that some of them are in reverse. If you put two people in a room for any amount of time and somebody is going to emerge as the leader, sometimes in a way that is smooth and sometimes in a way that is not so smooth."

A biblical arrangement of the home is undermined typically in two ways, Stinson said. First, egalitarian Christians argue that the Bible does not teach male headship. They go to great, and often creative lengths to explain away passages such as Ephesians 5, Stinson said.

Second, and perhaps more troubling, Stinson said, some well-meaning Christians who believe that Scripture calls for male headship deny the teaching in practice by failing to lead their families, he said.

Stinson identified nine areas in which husbands/fathers are called to initiate godly leadership.
These include:

Vision. A Christian man is called to cast the vision for his family’s future in myriad areas, Stinson said. "We have to answer questions like, ‘what do we want our children to be like in 10 years and where do we want to be as a family in 10 years?’" he said. "We might ask what we want our homes to be characterized by. Maybe we want our homes to be characterized by forgiveness, respect, love, responsibility and hard work. The husband is the keeper of the vision…He is not merely supposed to show up at the house."

Direction. The man is supposed to shepherd the family with regards to the specific steps it will take in accomplishing the vision, Stinson said.
Instruction. Stinson said a Christian man must give his family members clear and specific strategies to meet the daily challenges each of them will face. The man must also model the things he wants to accomplish in the home.

Imitation. Fathers and husbands must set gracious, godly examples for their children, Stinson said. This may well include fathers apologizing to their wife and children when their behavior does not square with Scripture, he pointed out. "It is not a sign of weakness to apologize to our wives and kids," he said. "When we do this we are still saying ‘watch me,’ in the same way Paul said ‘inasmuch as I imitate Christ, imitate me.’"

Inspiration. Christian men are responsible for maintaining positive morale in the home by encouraging family members with words such as "isn’t this a great family?" Stinson said. "It is the leader’s responsibility to tell the family that this (family) is a great thing," he said.
Affirmation. Christian men must regularly tell each family member that he or she is doing well in carrying out their roles in the home, he said.

Evaluation. Men must answer regularly answer the question, "how are we doing?" Stinson said. A man is called to lead his family by serving them, but Stinson pointed out that this is by no means the father/husband is to be passive. The leader of the home must assess his family’s progress in many areas and make adjustments regularly to keep the family on a godly, biblical course, he said.

Correction. Men are called to correct problems that become evident through evaluation, Stinson said.

Protection and provision. Christian men must remind their wives and children often that they are committed to the family for a lifetime and that they are going to take care of the family’s needs. "This is a sentiment we must say with full humility and in the full knowledge that we can’t protect our family from every possible harm," he said. "But we must tell them often ‘I’m not leaving you,’ and ‘I’m going to take care of you.’"

Ultimately, Christian homes must paint a clear and accurate picture of the Gospel in accord with Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5, Stinson said. When the husband and wife are faithfully filling their God-ordained roles in obedience to Scripture, the broader culture will catch a clear glimpse of Christ’s love for His church, he noted.

"Our home says something about the Gospel that is either true or false," he said. "If we are using headship as an excuse to lord it over our families, then we are giving a false picture of the Gospel. But when the husband and wife are carrying out their roles as God has called them, then their homes are showing something that is true about Christ and the Gospel."

Let's Start at the Very Beginning...A Very Good Place to Start

As I laid on the couch yesterday with the "24 hour bug"...and watched The Sound of Music with my 2-year old daughter (who was also sick...and loves this movie) I thought about this post which I did several months ago. I think that this topic is foundational for a biblical view of manhood and womanhood, so here it is again!


You are probably either one of those people who loves the Sound of Music or hates it. My wife and two-year-old love this movie and sing the songs frequently. In this musical, Maria (played by Julie Andrews) seeks to teach the children how to sing. The beginning of her music lesson she sings, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When you read you begin with A, B, C, when you sing you begin with Do-Re-Mi.” This lesson is also good for us in first looking at biblical manhood and womanhood. We must start at the beginning…Genesis 1-3. There is much that can be said about these chapters, for they are foundational for so much of Christianity, but when we put on our “biblical manhood and womanhood” lenses, we can see that this text is very important for how we live out our gender roles. Notice from this text that the roles for Adam and Eve were made before sin came into the world. Many who disagree with the Complementarian position (meaning that men and women are equal in personhood, but different function and role) would disagree with this. However, those who take the text at face value (as being the very words of God), can see the roles are laid out in Genesis 2 and that the distortion of roles is part of the curse of sin. Wayne Grudem in his lecture, “A Crucial Call to Faithfulness on Gender Issues,” gave several ways we can see that gender roles were spelled out before the fall. Here are a few of his points.

-->Order: Adam was created first and then Eve was created

-->Representation: Adam is the one who represents humanity throughout the Bible and though it was Eve who first ate the fruit in Genesis 3, it is Adam who is blamed for not leading his wife. It is from Adam that we inherit our sinful nature (Romans 5:12-14)

-->Naming: Adam named Eve and naming is always seen as a type of authority. Parents name their children because they are in authority over their children.

-->Helping: Eve was created as a “helper suitable” for Adam and not Adam as a helper for Eve.

The term “helper” is not a demeaning term. God is even called a helper at times. Grudem’s understanding of the beginning of the world has massive implications to our daily lives. They are not written to degrade women or puff up men. The difference in gender roles (from the foundation of the world) helps us to know how men should be men and how women should be women. It frees us rather than restricts us. Grudem says that the proper view of biblical manhood is a “Loving, humble headship” and the proper view of biblical womanhood is “joyful, intelligent submission.” This is where God starts his teaching on manhood and womanhood and this is where we must start…at the very beginning.

Teaching on Biblical Masculinity

The bloggers over at Reformation 21 have posted a series on biblical masculinity...enjoy!

Biblical Masculinity #1: Fear the Lord

Biblical Masculinity #2: A Definition

Biblical Masculinity #3: Industry

Biblical Masculinity #4: Integrity

Biblical Masculity #5: Self Control

Positioning Yourself Wisely in Early Married Life

Many young married couples seem to have a conviction about the wife staying home with the kids for the first few years (or longer) when children come into the family, but they fail to plan for it. A few questions may be helpful for a couple to think through before taking large financial steps.

1. Are you putting yourself in a position where your mortgage or living expenses can be handled with one income?

2. Are you strategically purchasing items (furniture, household appliances, etc.) with the second income now that will not have to worry about purchasing when you have only one income?

3. Are you positioning yourself to minimize debt now…especially as you look toward having children?

It can cause a lot of strain on a young marriage if there is a desire for the Mom to stay at home with the baby, and yet have an excessive mortgage or car payment that is not easily handled with one income. If you think that Mom will stay home after the baby comes, it is wise to not be dependent on her income. Thinking through the details of these financial decisions is one way that a husband can lovingly lead his family.

Biblical Manhood in Front of the Tube

The term “Biblical Manhood” may be abstract to many. It might conjure up thoughts of a bare chested caveman grunting out “SUBMIT!” to his wife or a man with fifteen tracts in his pocket, eager to share the gospel at any opportunity he gets. If this is your picture of biblical manhood, I want to tweak it a little bit. It is great to share the gospel and it is great to communicate with your wife (not in the caveman way) but, biblical manhood begins with the mundane, everyday life issues that we face.

One such issue is watching television. I want to challenge men to pick up the remote and be the guard for their wife and children while they are in front of the tube. There is much to guard your children from when they are staring at the flashing images running across the screen, but what do we do about it. Here are a few suggestions that I have learned from friends…(and here is a great sermon about “media intake” that will help you if you desire...it is the February 4th sermon.)

1. Dad, be aware of what station you can change the remote to when something provocative comes on the television. C-SPAN and the Food Network are often safe choices.

2. Teach your children the importance of what should be looked at and what should be avoided.

3. Teach your kids to discern unbiblical worldviews. (I know one family that had their teenage sons say “Po Mo” when they saw a Post Modern philosophy being portrayed through a TV show or Movie).

4. Limit Television watching…I know this may sound extreme, but if we were honest, our communication to our wife and children is rarely improved by watching television, but it is frequently diminished by too much television

I think one of the safest guards for us in television watching is asking if we can say to our children, “You can watch television the way I watch television.” We are to do all to the glory of God…and that includes watching the tube.

Always Learning

As I sat in church a couple days ago and listened to my Senior Pastor, Joshua Harris. You see, I had been feeling some condemnation and I had been more aware of my sinfulness rather than God’s grace. I had been struggling in two distinct ways and responding with two sins…

As a man, who is trying to lead his home, I was trying to make some financial decisions for my family (with my wife’s help, of course) and I was struggling to trust God with our future. My unbelief was an obvious sin against God.

I had hurt my back a little bit last week and on Saturday, my oldest daughter was playing around with me by wanting daddy to be her horse. I had told her that I didn’t think that was a good idea, then when I was bending down to get some clothes out of the drawer to dress her little sister, my oldest tried to jump on my back and pulled my shirt…which choked me. As you might imagine, I was completely patient and kind at this point…wrong…I was impatient with my daughter and corrected her, not out of love, but out of selfishness and anger. My impatience was obvious to me and I quickly repented to her and to the Lord.

As I sat in church on Sunday this was the sin I was aware of…and my sin seemed huge. However, through listening to Josh’s sermon on God’s holiness, I was positioned to be more aware of God’s grace than my sinfulness. God was so kind to show me that he is more aware of Christ in me than my sin. That is glorious and freeing.

I tell you this not because I am now a perfect man, who is leading my home perfectly, but b/c you need to know that I am a sinner who only can lead his home by God’s grace.

I also write this post because I think that there are probably other men who are trying to do well at leading their homes and families, but are more aware of their sin than Christ’s grace. If that is you, simply turn to Christ and repent of your unbelief and rest in him. You can read Isaiah 40-55 to get a grasp of the greatness of God or if you have Spurgeon’s Mornings and Evenings…read the “Evenings” part for December 8th.