Thursday, January 22, 2009

20 Minutes to Change Your Marriage

I was sitting through a seminar the other night and the speaker, Davis Carman, made a statement that has had me think a lot. He said that there is a crucial 20 minutes of a man's day that can really bless his wife and change his marriage. He went on to explain that if a man would think through these specific times and ask his wife what blessed her during these times, he would be setting a trejectory for a successful marriage. Here are the specific times:

  • The first 5 minutes when he woke up in the morning

  • The last 5 minutes before he said goodbye for work

  • The first 5 minutes when he walked in the door from work

  • The last 5 minutes before he said good night

Of course, the time a man spends in God's Word and in prayer is the most important part of the day, but I think Mr. Carman is on to something. What if men intentionally greeted their spouse with gratefulness and grace at the beginning of each morning? What if he lavished love on his wife and kids before he left for work in the morning? What if he greeted everyone in the afternoon by seeking to show interest in their day and not just having a self-focus that sought rest more than relationship? Finally, what would a marriage look like if along with the other 15 minutes of wife-focus, a man sought to honor his wife and communicate his affections for her as they were going to bed? I think this couple would be growing in communication and would be joyfully helped. Obviously, every family has different schedules, but the priority of a husband seeking to be intentional toward his wife is primary...and a little 20 minute change could have big implications for God's work in a marriage.


Ray said...

Great points! Thanks for sharing.

Plain Ol' Vanilla said...

First time visitor here. As a happily married wife of 30 years to a wonderful man, may I commend these suggestions. It's really the very simple acts of kindness, grace and unselfishness sprinkled throught the days, weeks and months of marriage that keep a marriage well-oiled and sweet. My dh is truly an example of using those minutes of the day to bless me. I am so thankful for his example of living his love for the Lord and demonstrating it to me and to our three dds. Sola Deo Gloria


dennarr said...

First time visitor here also. Thanks for the post. Today is the 23rd anniv of my first date with my wife (22 years of blessed marriage). How easy it is to forget the small snippets of time - we tend to think only in large chunks!