[Below is an excerpt from John Ensor's Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart. This was a thought provoking illustration of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood for me.]
In the Winter Olympics, figure skating events are the hottest ticket in town. Pairs figure skating has occasionally been the highest rated even among viewers. At its best, it displays the strength and beauty, the power and grace, of true unity. The gold medal is awarded to the couple who has most mastered the skills of male leadership and female support.
He leads her onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trust in his strength. His raw physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own--a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnify her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it.
If he makes a mistake, she pays the larger physical price while he pays the larger emotional price. She falls, but he fails! So he has to learn to initiate and risk. She has to help him understand her moves and to endure his learning curve.
They do not fight for equality on the ice; they possess it as a given. Each has a role to play and they are not jostling or fighting about fairness. They are after something far more rewarding. No one yells, "Oppressor!" as he leads her around the arena, lifting her up and catapulting her into a triple spin. No one thinks she is belittled as she takes her lead from him, skating backward to his forward. No one calls for them to be egalitarian: "She should get to throw him into a triple Lutz half the time!" They complement each other in their complementarian approach to becoming one majestic and powerful whole. No one, least of all he, minds that the roses and teddy bears, thrown onto the ice when they have collapsed into each others arms at the end, are for her. It is his joy.
This appears to me to be a visible model of what male leadership and female support are all about. This is what it looks like as it is worked out. It is an art form, not a mandate. It is a disposition, not a set of rules. When it is done well, it is a welcome sight in which both partners are fulfilled in themselves and delighted in the other.
6 comments:
Apparently you don't know much about figure skating or for other similar styles such as ballet. It isn't at all about male leadership and female following. Figure skating and ballet are both about showing off the grace, agility, and beauty of women dancers. The man does not initiate but supports. His movements are to support her actions. Along the way they both support each others and help each to show off their skills.
Pretty much all dancing has this element in it because men appreciate the grace, agility, and beauty of women dancers. Even in the dances where men do lead such a the waltz or fox trot, the man still makes efforts to show off the woman.
Where do you think this is relevant to hierarchical marriage? In the theory of males only as leaders and women always as followers, it seems to show off the man rather than the woman.
IMO Biblical marriage is about harmonious unity, a working together to produce good works that are of benefit to both spouses as well as those around them.
BTW, your children are adorable. :)
I love figure skating, grew up watching many of the well-known stars like Peggy Fleming and Scott Hamilton. Then, a number of years ago, I had the opportunity to be a teacher/tutor to an Olympic hopeful, a young man who was half of a pairs partnership. I can tell you that in the skating competition world, neither the man nor the woman "drive" the program. Rather, each move is carefully chosen by the coach and choreographed by the choreographer (http://www.usfigureskating.org/content/200809-P-levels.pdf). It is neither about the man "leading" and the woman "following," but rather about styling a highly specialized program that fits the competition guidelines.
In fact, if you watch pairs skating carefully, you will see that she leads sometimes and he leads sometimes. Also the change in angle (skating forwards, skating backwards) has more to do with the edge of the blade than who's leading. (BTW, skating backward is preferred because you get more speed. That's why skaters go backwards prior to a jump or a big lift).
And it's not always true that the man always throws the woman. There is a pairs move where they "throw" each other: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63cmIfO-u6k
I just think this is a bad analogy, regardless whether one is pro or con the complementarian marriage style.
Thanks for the comments...obviously, I don't know a ton about figure skating and I found the analogy interesting. I'm more of a baseball, football, golf, basketball (and anything else with a ball) type of person.
Thanks for your thoughts! They are helpful.
God bless,
mike
Mike, this is a beautiful analogy. I can see your vision and, a'layman' myself,the errors in technicality others are seeing do not hinder me from that vision. I think your words are beautiful. I am very happy that your wife gets to have a biblical leader of a husband and especially that your daughter gets to have a biblical leader of a father! I know how much that can change a little girls life and bless it (or the lack of hinder it.) God bless you and your family.
Mike, at the risk of appearing super-critical of your blog, I really felt a need to comment on this post.
Like you, I once loved a romantic, fairytale, happily-ever-after story the way you appear to, but then real life began to happen. Brother, even THE most Christian of marriages between God loving spouses can and do encounter circumstances and tragedies beyond their control that render the husband unable to lead anyone. My perspective regarding husbands having the protector/provider leader role is not the same because of situations I've encountered in the lives of Christian friends and family members with disabilities, illness and aging who cannot fulfill that even if they wanted to.
If a "biblical role" can have even one small exception, then how can it possibly be a command for every marriage?
How could this possibly apply to the life of my friend whose Christian husband suffered a head injury in an auto accident that has left him in near vegetative state? She has no loving choice, but the one God has given her - to lead, protect and provide for her husband. My grandmother also walked a very similar road for the last 15 years of my grandfather's life as his mind and then body were overtaken by Alzheimer's. My brother-in-law developed bipolar disorder many years ago and so his wife has never had the luxury of depending upon her husband. On the contrary though, she has developed a wonderful dependence upon her Lord and Savior. Or what of my cousin whose husband was killed in Viet Nam and she raised two children on her own? I could go on, but I think you can see my point - marriage just isn't always like a perfectly executed skating performance. And the longer I live the more clearly I see that.
I believe this is why the Lord didn't leave us with a book called "Formulas for the Perfect Christian life" or Bible chapters called "The Only Role of Men" and "The Only Role of Women." But He did tell us to love one another as He loves us and to walk in the Spirit.
And speaking of the Spirit - I do hope you can read this in loving spirit it was intended. I come in peace, I mean no harm - I'm simply trying to give a reality check here.
Post a Comment