Pastor's Wife: Who Should I Invest In?

The pull for a pastor's wife to know where she should spend time is a hard one. There are ladies at church, ladies in the neighborhood, her husband, her children, those serving in similar ministries, those who are younger, those who are older...and the list goes on.

Recently, I was reviewing my notes from my year at the Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastors College. I read through some of the answers that C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney had when we (the Pastors College students and wives) asked questions. One of the ladies asked Carolyn how she decided who to pour into and when. Carolyn said that the way to answer this question begins with your priorities. Your roles as a wife and mother come before your role as a pastor's wife. "The way to serve as a pastor's wife is first to care for the home." She stressed that each season of a woman's life is different so the ability and amount of time to pour into other ladies will vary. The infant/toddler years and the teen years of parenting are the most demanding. She emphasized that the pastor's wife's priority of the home will bear fruit, especially as other ladies see her example.

Carolyn also clarified that every pastor's wife will have different gifts and abilities. The way one lady may be able to serve with ease in many areas should not set the standard for how all ladies are expected to serve in their role as a pastor's wife. Every lady has a different capacity and different gifting.

McCulley on History of Feminism

At the 2009 Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastor's Conference, Carolyn McCulley spoke to the Pastor's Wives in a seminar called "The Pastor’s Wife and Culture: What Feminism Has Done to Femininity." I just listened to it the other day and thought that it was a worthy "Introduction to Feminism." Download it and listen to it.

For a further look at feminism, McCulley wrote Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World.

Mother's Day Inconsistency

Sunday is Mother’s Day. I love you, Mom!

As I recently was thinking about Mother’s Day, I realized that Mother’s Day must seem very inconsistent for a feminist. Noted feminists (specifically, Linda Hirshman) have said that mothers who stay home with their kids or are even positioned toward their homes are “letting down the team" of woman across America. They feel that a woman’s workforce opportunities are more valuable than the family. Mother’s Day is a day when those who care for their children are honored, yet feminism seeks to diminish the joy of motherhood and value roles outside of mothering as more important than mothering.

What could be more valuable for a woman than caring for her family? Our Lord values motherhood and we should too. The influence that mothers have on future generations in incalculable.

Enjoy your mom this Sunday. Thank her for how she serves your family and teach your children to love their mom. Every day is a good day to honor our mothers!

Show a Little Respect!

On Wednesday, I had the joy of taking a day off work and hanging out with Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Payton Manning, Dr. J, and Jimmie Johnson. Okay, my definition of "hanging out" may be a little loose. What I mean is that I got to see them at the Quail Hollow Golf Course in Charlotte, NC for a Pro-Am golf tournament. It was a blast watching this professional athletes play.

It was great seeing many of the athletes sign autographs, but it was also interesting to me to see 8 year old boys who were calling grown men by their first names. "Hey, Payton!" "Hey, Tiger!" "Hey, Phil." I heard one little boy yell, "Mr. Mickelson" and it made my heart leap. There was a respect that this little boy showed this man that some of the other little boys had never learned. The way to respect someone is not by having a child treat an adult as a peer, but by having a child treat an adult like an adult.

It is interesting in the very action of a child wanting an autograph, he is saying, "I respect you," but with his words, he has never been taught how to communicate this same affection effectively.

Is it a sin for a child to use a first name when they address an adult? I'm not sure that it always is, but I do think the biblical principle of showing respect for elders is appropriate. 1 Peter 5:5 says, "Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." In the context of this verse it is speaking specifically of pastor/elders, but the idea of younger people respecting older people is a biblical concept. Wisdom is often associated with older age and foolishness with younger age.

I am thirty years old. I know the younger group doesn't want to claim me, but I also feel more like a college kid than a grown man sometimes. I understand the struggle to learn humility in this area. I know it is an area I continually need to cultivate because I am a young pastor that works with older pastors. I need to seek counsel and wisdom and stir gratefulness for these other men in my life.

It seems that young people (including myself) are tempted to think we know more than older people (i.e. pride). We can assume because we can use Twitter, Facebook, and Wii's that we have more wisdom. We are hip. We are "in the know." We are being foolish.

Let's be humble and seek the wisdom, counsel, and input of those who have been on this journey much longer than we have. Let's also seek to show our kids the need to respect others. Let's teach them that their is a difference between an adult and a child and that is okay...in fact it is biblical. Let's love our children enough to teach them to show a little respect...and honor.