Complementarianism and Reformed Theology...A Link?

This is an interesting question that someone gave Kevin DeYoung. Personally, I think there is more of a link between Biblical Inerrancy and Complementarianism. I also don't know many Reformed people who do not hold to Biblical Inerrancy. So, I think it is a fair question.

The Power of Words

Our church has been recently going through the book of James and I am working on a message on James 3:1-12 about the Weightiness of Words. I have found some great resources for this message, but also some great ways to meditate on the importance of our words. Let me encourage you to listen to the messages from the 2008 Desiring God Conference called "The Power of Words and the Wonder of God."

I think these messages could help the husband and wife who are struggling in their communication, the complementarian who is trying to speak to egalitarians, yet not doing it in a humble way, and the parents who are working on their relationship with their teenager. Our words matter. They matter to God and they matter to those around us.

A Mother’s Conversation

[The GirlTalk blog is one of the best biblical womanhood blogs I know of. This post was both encouraging for parenting as well as application for how we communicate with others outside of the parental realm. It was written by Carolyn Mahaney.]

I’ve been a mother to four teenagers now—three are adults and one is still a teen. I’ve had hundreds (probably thousands) of conversations with my kids. Most of these have been meaningful and memorable talks. But, like all sinful parents and teens, we’ve had difficult conversations as well; and over the years (I hope!) I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes.

The following is a list of seven “reminders” that have served me in those challenging conversations. These are not rules, but guidelines drawn from Scripture that have helped me as I seek to navigate these talks in a God-glorifying way. I’ve included key quotes and verses that have inspired these thoughts.

In prayerful dependence on the Holy Spirit, may I encourage you to…

1) Communicate humbly with your teen.

“Teens will quickly detect Mom’s, Dad’s genuineness by their humility. Let us recall that we are weak people speaking to other weak people, who simply happen to be younger than us.” Rick Horne

“The most helpful thing to remember is that your teenager is more like you than unlike you…. There are very few struggles in the life of my teenager that I don’t recognize in my own heart as well…. Come [to the conversation] as a fellow sinner.” Paul David Tripp

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

2) Postpone talking if you’re angry.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

3) Postpone talking if your teen is angry.

“There are times when serious injury is done by urging the claims of religion. Your child is angry. His flushed cheeks and violent motions show the sinful irritation of his mind. Shall the mother now converse with him upon the wickedness of these feelings and God’s displeasure? No! It is unseasonable.” John S.C. Abbott

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out. Proverbs 17:14

4) Don’t talk too long.

“Guard against long and tedious conversations on religious subjects. The mind of a child cannot be fixed for any great length of time upon one subject without exhaustion. Every word that is uttered, after there are manifestations of weariness, will do more harm than good.” John S.C. Abbott

“Listen, don’t lecture. You can usually say all you need to say in about 2 minutes and 30 seconds before you start repeating yourself.” Kenneth Maresco

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. Proverbs 10:19

5) Correct only what you must; overlook what you can.

I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. John 16:12

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

6) Acknowledge your own sin.

“Even if you are only 10 percent to blame for a given conflict, Jesus’ words from Matthew 7 apply to you as much as if you had been 90 percent to blame. You need to acknowledge 100 percent of your 10 percent. The point of Jesus’ teaching is that the first and most important thing for you to realize in any conflict is how your own blindness and sin contributed to the problem.” Rick Horne

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5

7) Don’t let the conversation end until you have encouraged your teen.

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul. Proverbs 16:24

A good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25

Bruce Ware's New Book

I recently went through Bruce Ware's new book Big Truths for Young Hearts and it is excellent. I considered writing an endorsement for it, but after reading the Foreword to the book, which is written by Ware's daughters, I decided that there was no greater endorsement for a dad than the endorsement from his children. Bruce Ware's girls have not only heard the theology in this book, but they have seen it lived out in their dad. I pray my daughters would feel the same way in 15 years. Lord help me, a sinner!

A Portion of the Foreword by Bethany Strachan and Rachel Ware:

"This book is very special to us. As Bruce Ware's daughters, we view Big
Truths for Young Hearts not only as a rich resource for children and
adults, but also as a tangible representation of the teaching we were blessed to
faithfully receive from our dad throughout our childhood.

For the past two decades we have lived with a father who loves theology and
loves to teach theology. We both remember him teaching us all six verses of the
hymn "May the Mind of Christ my Savior" by the time we were three years old.
During our annual summer road trips to see family on the West Coast, Dad and Mom
used the time in the care to lead our family in singing worship songs,
memorizing Scripture, and discussing theology. Dad would often begin a
conversation with a question: "So do you think Jesus had to be both God
and man?" or "How can God be good and still allow bad things to happen in
the world?" Not exactly laid-back vacation banter, but we loved those
family conversations. We girls would sit in the backseat of our family
Toyota and rack our brains trying to think of a biblical answer, knowing all the
while that Dad had one. He was passionate about sharing truths with us
that would give us confidence in our faith. This passion came through in
family discussions at dinner, late-night chats in his study, and the
"daddy-daughter dates" on which he often took us. Though we did not fully
realize it then, those conversation were life-changing and heart-shaping.
It was Theology 101 given outside the classroom..."

Care Giving or Parenting?

James and Janet are a pretty typical American couple. They each work hard and they love their son and daughter. Like most families, they are very busy. Their son, Bobby, is 7 years old and enjoys his elementary school and soccer team. Their daughter, Belle, is 3 years old and enjoys her preschool/day care and pulling everything off a bookshelf when she has the chance!

James and Janet have recently been convicted of an aspect of their parenting though. They realized that they have been so busy, that they have not really been parenting Bobby and Belle as much as just "care giving." They get the children to the places they need to go. They make sure they are clothed and well fed, but they realized that they don't actually know what specific ways they are trying to help their children grow in godly character or what spiritual goals they have for their children. James realized that most of the spiritual training his children are receiving was at church, yet he is convinced that the bible teaches that parents are to be the primary teachers of the to their children and the church should be the icing on the cake.

Many good, Christian parents can fall into a similar situation. I know the temptation from my own parenting. We can get distracted with house projects and other activities and neglect our children. We can even commit to many good things, yet by doing them we are neglecting the spiritual training that is called for in "biblical parenting." I know people who have very young children and yet they barely know the children because they are never around them. The preschool potty trains them, the after school program brings structure and discipline, while the parents meet the physical needs of food, clothes, and a place to sleep. Obviously, this is not the case for all of Christian parents, but I think the questions for us to examine are for all parents.

Are we, as parents, specifically and intentionally parenting?

Do we have spiritual goals and areas where we are seeking to train our children?

Are we aware of our children's temptations and tendencies?

If any of these questions are answered with a fog in your head or a slight hesitation, I would encourage you to have a conversation with your spouse about your parenting. My wife and I have found it profitable to have "parenting objectives" in which we know we are on the same page in the training of our kids. Seeking to be intentional in parenting helps in bringing consistency in our parenting and thus, not exasperating our kids. It is helpful to step back and evaluate. So, am I really parenting my kids or just being a care giver? It is a good question ask.

Pastor's Wife: Who Should I Invest In?

The pull for a pastor's wife to know where she should spend time is a hard one. There are ladies at church, ladies in the neighborhood, her husband, her children, those serving in similar ministries, those who are younger, those who are older...and the list goes on.

Recently, I was reviewing my notes from my year at the Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastors College. I read through some of the answers that C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney had when we (the Pastors College students and wives) asked questions. One of the ladies asked Carolyn how she decided who to pour into and when. Carolyn said that the way to answer this question begins with your priorities. Your roles as a wife and mother come before your role as a pastor's wife. "The way to serve as a pastor's wife is first to care for the home." She stressed that each season of a woman's life is different so the ability and amount of time to pour into other ladies will vary. The infant/toddler years and the teen years of parenting are the most demanding. She emphasized that the pastor's wife's priority of the home will bear fruit, especially as other ladies see her example.

Carolyn also clarified that every pastor's wife will have different gifts and abilities. The way one lady may be able to serve with ease in many areas should not set the standard for how all ladies are expected to serve in their role as a pastor's wife. Every lady has a different capacity and different gifting.

McCulley on History of Feminism

At the 2009 Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastor's Conference, Carolyn McCulley spoke to the Pastor's Wives in a seminar called "The Pastor’s Wife and Culture: What Feminism Has Done to Femininity." I just listened to it the other day and thought that it was a worthy "Introduction to Feminism." Download it and listen to it.

For a further look at feminism, McCulley wrote Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World.