Breakfast with Dad

A couple of years ago, my wife and I were trying to figure out how to teach our oldest daughter about God. We knew that the home was the primary place for our girls to learn about God and the Bible (see Deut. 6), but we wanted to have a routine on how to teach them. My wife saw that some of the families represented on the GirlTalk blog did "breakfast with dad" in the mornings. This idea consists of dad fixing breakfast and spending time with the kids while mom can get ready for the day. It allows dad to do some "spiritual care" for his children and gives some consistency on the amount of God-talk that begins the day.

In our home we have been using My First Book of Questions and Answers for a few years now and it is amazing how much my oldest daughter has retained through the simple question and answer process. I can ask my 4 year old daughter, "What is sin?" and she will say, "Disobeying or not keeping God's law in any way?" If we expect to teach our children how to count and do their ABCs, we can teach also expect them to have the mental capacity to learn simple doctrines.

We resently added My First Book of Bible Prayers to also teach my daughters more about prayer. Both of these rescources are simple tools to help parents lead their children. If you are not specifically and consistently training your children in the ways of God, I encourage you to take the small step of talking about these ideas with your spouse. Jesus said, "Let the little children come unto me." This is a way we can take them to him.

3 Questions That Could Change Your Marriage

Have you ever been sitting in Small Group and a question is asked and you know that if your spouse answers the question, you're sin is going to be exposed? This is a twisted feeling because you know that you want to be rid of sin and that it will help your marriage, but you also fear man more than God and don't want your sin spread out before your entire group in order to have them examine your marriage. Today, I am giving you the opportunity to take a step in helping your marriage before you get to your small group.

We all have blind spots in our marriage and our spouse can often help us with these...if we just ask. Many times, I am too prideful to ask. I encourage you to ask your spouse the following questions and sit to listen to the answer without interrupting or arguing in your mind. Take an extended time at a local coffee shop with your "honey" and listen and learn. What is said may surprise you. I promise that God wants to meet you in your very asking. Why do I know this? God promises to show grace to the humble and when you are seeking to draw out your spouse you are taking a step of humility.

1. Honey, do you feel that I am more aware of areas that you need to change or where God is at work in your life?

2. What is one area you would like to see me grow?

3. Sweetie, I think the biggest struggle in our marriage is ______________. What do you think about that?

Complementarian Spouses and Egalitarian Extended Family

Chip and Celia have been married for 5 years. They love and respect Chip's parents, but Chip's parents feel that the couple needs to spend more time with them, take their input more seriously about parenting, and allow Celia to work outside the home ("...since she does have her Master's Degree").

In a society where we breath the air of feminism, many young couples face the struggle of building a complementarian marriage while having parents who see through egalitarian lenses. Here are a few tips on how to honor egalitarian parents while also not compromising your biblical convictions.

1. Humility: We are always told to "honor our parents," so the best way to honor parents when you disagree with them is by humbly hearing them (without interrupting) and humbly responding. It is okay to disagree, but if there is a lack of humility in your heart during hard conversations, it is probably going to stir more strife than peace. James 4:8 says, "God is opposed to the proud, but give grace to the humble." God will give pour out his amazing grace as you seek to be humble and honor him.

2. Remember the Gospel: Alfred Poirier encourages us to see criticism with our eyes on the cross. He says, "In light of God’s judgment and justification of the sinner in the cross of Christ, we can begin to discover how to deal with any and all criticism. By agreeing with God’s criticism of me in Christ’s cross, I can face any criticism man may lay against me. In other words, no one can criticize me more than this cross has. And the most devastating criticism turns out to be the finest mercy. If you thus know yourself as having been crucified with Christ, then you can respond to any criticism, even mistaken or hostile criticism, without bitterness, defensiveness, or blame shifting. Such responses typically exacerbate and intensify conflict, and lead to the rupture of relationships. You can learn to hear criticism as constructive and not condemnatory because God has justified you."

3. Did you always hold this position?: For many of us, we did not always hold the complementarian position that we now embrace. Give your extended family an opportunity and grace to learn. Allow them to see the way you function as a family and not seek to teach them "why you are right." I have heard C.J. Mahaney say, "Time and truth are on our side" and I think this quote can apply here.

4. Get the log out of your own eye: Are you more aware of your sin or the sin of your extended family? Jesus says that you need to get the phone pole out of your own eye before you get the tooth pick out of theirs.

5. This is not your worst problem: Your worst problem is your sin and the wrath of the Father that you deserve and the eternal hell that should come to you. Through the cross of Christ, your worst problem is fully and finally handled because Christ was a substitute for the punishment you deserved. An offense by your extended family is not nearly as significant as your offense against God. Your worst problem is solved.

6. Husbands, lead graciously: A heavy handed husband is not going to win over anyone. A husband who is loving his wife as Christ loves the church is going to be respected. Your extended family is watching you and your marriage can be a picture of the gospel or a distortion of the gospel. Husbands, it starts with us.

7. Wives, submit intelligently: A feminist society cannot comprehend a loving wife who is positioned toward her husband and home. When wives joyfully serve and show that complementarianism is not "doormat-ism" the watching world marvels. Wives, use the gifts God has given you for his glory and the good of your family. Your extended family may never understand, but your Savior will say, "well done."

The Divorce News

After getting back from the Together for the Gospel conference I am freshly grateful for the men who speak and lead the conference. Al Mohler is one of those men. Here are the links to two different posts from his blog on recent divorce studies.

"The Divorce Industrial Complex"


"Newsweek Discovers the Divorce Generation"

A Humble Response by Shawnda Kovacs

Shawnda Kovacs is a godly wife and mom of 3 children. Two of the children are adopted and both Jason and Shawnda have a huge passion for adoption. My wife often read's Shawnda's blog and let me know recently of a true response in humility that Shawnda showed an anonymous blogger. I was encouraged to see Shawnda's biblical exhortation, biblical femininity, and truly gracious spirit. Here is what she said: (I am trying to work on problems with the formatting of this post...thanks for your patience)

Unfortunately, there's no accountability for this comment (shared below) that I got yesterday.

So, I'm just going to blog about it. I put a plea above my comment box for comments to be respectful and edifying. That didn't work. So, made the bittersweet decision to take out the option for anonymous comments. This is bitter because I LOVE having conversations with people that don't think/believe/live like I do. It's sweet because I haven't had to be the recipient of unaccountable disrespect...until yesterday. I'm not sure if this commenter made up a false account or how they managed an account with no profile (probably just shows my lack of blogging knowledge). But there's no way to respond to them, sadly. So, instead of responding to them privately, I'm responding to them publicly - because their comment is worthy of a response.

So, here's the comment:

Two things - I can't believe people are still reading this book. Second, I can't believe you spend the time blogging about this nonsense. You are giving chrisitan women a really bad name and perception. What a disgrace! Why don't you stop "following" your husband's every word (or Martha Peace for that matter) and start thinking on your own - what God intended. Please Please throw this book away! It is crap!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it makes you sound so pathetic!
Doesn't this comment bring up a lot of great conversation pieces?! I would love to sit with [you] this commenter and chat for an hour or so! We clearly have different convictions and understandings of God's Word, but surely we could learn from one another....if we are willing to listen....and not just be heard.

So, this is where I'd start, if, of course, there was a way to contact the commenter,

Hi, "Elizabeth",
Thanks for commenting on my blog and thanks for your honesty! From your comment, I gather you would say you don't agree with the values in The Excellent Wife. Have you ever read it? I'm not trying to be sarcastic - it's a serious question. I'm led to ask that question because your encouragement is to "stop following your husbands every word and start thinking on your own - what God intended". This is an obvious misunderstanding of the objective of the book, and could only be so misunderstood by not reading it at all.

Would you allow me to clarify, to the best of my limited ability?

I can only share from what I've read from Martha Peace that she is committed to Jesus first and foremost (her husband comes only after the Lord). Her hearts desire for herself and for other Christian women is to see them glorify our Lord by living the life He has called us to. Fortunately, we know what He has called us to because He tells us in His Word,

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him...21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bonesand flesh of my flesh;she shall be called Woman,because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:18 and 21-24

Here the Lord clearly gives us our role - "helper"

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [1] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33

And here the Lord calls us to submit to our husbands, as to the Lord. (and I'd like to note, if you keep reading, Christian husbands have a VERY demanding role as they lead their wives.) Unfortunately, the word "submit" makes many women cringe or even rebel. However, the word submission has lost its beauty and meaning. Submission is a role - it's active, not passive. I am actively involved in our home. I actively communicate with my husband. I actively share my opinions. I actively ask for his opinions. I actively share my heart when I feel he has sinned against me. I actively seek his forgiveness when I sin against him (by God's grace!). I actively give input into our daily lives and decisions we are making. I actively seek the Lord for my husband as he leads our family. These are not examples of me "following his every word". These are (very limited) examples of me being a helper to my husband - actively helping him and submitting to him. I am called to ACTIVELY submit to my husband as he leads our family. As otherwise misunderstood, this is in no way passive. Submission calls for self-control, humility, grace, and most of all, FAITH in my Lord that HE is ultimately leading my husband and our family. These are the challenges that Martha Peace is guiding and encouraging Christian wives through - she knows the character qualities we are called to as Christians are HARD and sometimes feel impossible to live out. BUT, it's what the Lord Jesus hashas called us to do, and if I could use your own words "what God intended" for Christian wives to do. Martha Peace wrote a book on "what God intended" for Christian wives using His very Words to us.

So, YES, women are still reading this book because there is a longing in our hearts - not to "follow our husbands every word", BUT to follow our God's every Word that He might be glorified through the grace that He gives us, and that we might follow our God's every Word for our joy, for our husband's joy, for our children's joy, and for the joy of generations to come.

4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 12:4

10 [4] An excellent wife who can find?She is far more precious than jewels.11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,and he will have no lack of gain.12 She does him good, and not harm,all the days of her life.13 She seeks wool and flax,and works with willing hands.14 She is like the ships of the merchant;she brings her food from afar.15 She rises while it is yet nightand provides food for her householdand portions for her maidens.16 She considers a field and buys it;with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.17 She dresses herself [5] with strengthand makes her arms strong.18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.Her lamp does not go out at night.19 She puts her hands to the distaff,and her hands hold the spindle.20 She opens her hand to the poorand reaches out her hands to the needy.21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [6]22 She makes bed coverings for herself;her clothing is fine linen and purple.23 Her husband is known in the gateswhen he sits among the elders of the land.24 She makes linen garments and sells them;she delivers sashes to the merchant.25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,and she laughs at the time to come.26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.27 She looks well to the ways of her householdand does not eat the bread of idleness.28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;her husband also, and he praises her:29 “Many women have done excellently,but you surpass them all.”30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,and let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:10-31

Can A Guy Get Pregnant?

Can a guy have a baby? It's a question that many are asking right now because of some recent news that has been on everything from websites to Oprah. I could not improve on the way the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) answered this question.

Pronouns and Surgery Do Not Produce a Man
by Jeff Robinson

April 2, 2008

The Oregonian newspaper last week published an unsettling news story about a man from Bend, Oregon who is apparently five months pregnant.

As it turns out, however, the man in question is no man at all.

"The parent-to-be was born female but identifies as a man, he writes in his first-person account posted this week by The Advocate, a national gay publication. He legally changed his name to Thomas Beatie and married a woman named Nancy...About 10 years ago, Beatie underwent breast-removal surgery and started male hormones, he writes, but kept the uterus and female genitals...Nancy couldn't carry the child because she had had a hysterectomy. So Beatie stopped testosterone injections, and menstrual periods returned within four months. He says he conceived through artificial insemination at home with sperm bought from a sperm bank and that he didn't take fertility drugs."

Beatie is due to give birth to a daughter around July 3. He told The Advocate, "To Nancy, I am her husband carrying our child. I will be my daughter's father, and Nancy will be her mother. We will be a family."

In the lead paragraph, Oregonian reporter Don Colburn says the case stretches "the meaning of the 21st century family and the limits of personal pronouns," and later he points out that "Family dynamics circa 2008 can get complicated."

While this story is certainly extraordinary, it cannot escape the inescapable truth: Thomas Beatie is not a man; "he," is a woman, a person who has merely sought to alter his (I use that pronoun in the universal sense denoting ‘personhood') biological identity; however, the fact that Thomas Beatie is truly a female is absolute, for God did not create men (gender-specific, non-universal sense) with wombs. Women who take testosterone injections will grow beards. Nevertheless, the irony here is that, in spite of a "gender reassignment" procedure, the female body of "Thomas Beatie" is functioning precisely according to God's design.

Despite his sinful machinations, man cannot finally and fully altar the transcendent and biological realities that define a family; according to God's all-wise design, only a man and woman together can procreate and all the pronominal gymnastics in the world cannot get around it. Sadly, Thomas Beatie's daughter will be raised by two mothers, and never know her actual father, an anonymous donor.

Gaining Perspective For Self-Assessment

It is always good to step back from our daily routine and do some self-assessment every once in a while. If you are planning a spiritual retreat anytime soon or just wanting some food for thought in your devotion time, you may want to ask these questions to your spouse, care group leader, pastor, friend, or older child to get some perspective before you go and sit down. I think the answers they give you will reveal areas that God wants to help you, mold you, and change you. They are taken from Kenneth Maresco's message Accountable Pastors, Accountable Churches, but you don't have to be in vocational ministry to benefit from this teaching.

a. Do you think I humbly pursue your input? Would you characterize me as one who pursues others for their input/questions/observations?

b. Am I easy to bring observations to? Do you feel I have taken your concerns seriously?

c. Am I consistently confessing sin that you would be unaware of?

d. What steps can I take to cultivate change in this area?