Intentional Manhood 1: Purposeful Pride Killing

Many marriage counseling sessions end up with the counselor/pastor talking to the man about passivity and his consistent lack of leadership in the marriage. This is not always the case, but many times it is. For the next several months, I am going to be doing some posts called "Intentional Manhood." These posts are intended to help sharpen and encourage guys to a biblical view of manhood and application of what we often know in our heads, but lack in our daily lives.

Purposeful Pride Killing:

Have you ever been in a situation when you were getting credit for something you did not do? Did you say anything about it? Did you bring correction and clarity to make sure that the appropriate people received the credit? Do you have "purposeful pride killing" as a category in your mind.

There are many moments throughout this week and month that you will be given the opportunity to kill pride in your life. You will sin against your children or spouse and you will need to humble yourself and ask forgiveness. You will mess up at work and need to take the blame for your failure or oversight. You will lust and need to humbly confess your sin to your accountability partner.

Life is full of purposeful pride killing moments.

A few weeks ago, I sent an e-mail to someone and realized that in the e-mail I was trying to impress the individual with my "knowledge and expertise." This was pride and as soon as I hit "send" I was convicted. (I know...I should have been convicted sooner, but I am a little slow). As I sat at my computer and continued to work, I wrestled with excusing my pride and seeking to suppress the conviction. Finally, after about and hour, I wrote another e-mail to the person and confessed my desire to impress them and asked them to forgive me. They forgave me and I was thankful for the mercy and grace of God to grant me forgiveness.

Biblical manhood (and actually womanhood too) is full of opportunities where we can humble ourselves and receive the grace of God shown to us through the cross of Christ. When we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin (1 John 1:9) and we are given grace in our humility (James 4:8). So, what are we waiting for? Where is there an area of "purposeful pride killing" that needs to take place in your life?

A Semi-Pragmatic, Less Theological Open Letter to Egalitarians

Many of you have heard of Wayne Grudem's "Open Letter to Egalitarians" and recently there has been talk about this letter on this blog. As I have been reading John Ensor's Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart, I thought of some pragmatic questions that I would like to ask my egalitarian friends. Now, this is an open letter, but its "openness" is going to end December 31, 2008...why?, because I don't want to be responding to comments on this post for years to come. I think that is both fair to my responders and to me.

Dearest Egalitarian,

I know that the theological debate is more important than the practical debate in the arguments of the complementarianism vs. egalitarianism, but I just have some questions. So feel free to answer them. Some of the questions are just curiosities for me and others would be helpful for complementarians to see your preferences. Please know that in asking these questions, I am not seeking to be sarcastic toward you or your position in the gender debate. I am truly curious and I say that with the utmost respect for you as fellow image bearers of God.

1. If the Titanic accident were to happen again, would you desire 50% of the seats on the life boats to be left for men?

2. If there is a robber who just broke into your house and you are married with children, would you want the man to go downstairs or the woman or would this be done depending on who had done it last time?

3. Would an egalitarian woman be offended at a man holding the door for her?

4. Do egalitarian parents allow their boys to play rough with the girls just like the boys play rough with other boys?

5. Do egalitarian parents train their boys that it is okay for them to be "stay at home dads?" If so, does a lot of domestic training happen for these boys?

6. Do you feel that women boxers should be allowed to fight in the ring with men?

7. Do egalitarian women desire to be protected by their guy (boyfriend, husband, father, etc.) or would they prefer to protect themselves?

8. Does an egalitarian female "pastor" get a maternity leave from her preaching responsibilities?

9. Does and egalitarian female "pastor" counsel men about pornography?

10. Do egalitarian pastoral staffs go on pastoral retreats together? If so, how does that work with having guys and girls together? Do the spouses feel strange about this?

If other complementarians have questions to add to this "open letter" feel free. Egalitarians, if you have some pragmatic/practical questions for complementarians, please feel free to ask. I desire for this conversation to be a humble one and done unto the Lord.

God bless,

mike seaver

Shel Silverstein on Unbiblical Manhood

I've been enjoying John Ensor's Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart the last few days and I thought that his quotation of Shel Silverstein's "My Rules" poem was funny as well as insightful for how a man should NOT pursue manhood.

"My Rules"

If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do:

You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew.

And you must sew my holey socks,

And soothe my troubled mind,

And develop the knack for scratching my back,

And keep my shoes spotlessly shined.

And while I rest you must rake up the leaves,

And when it is hailing and snowing

You must shovel the walk...and be still when I talk.

Any--hey--where are you going?

John Ensor on Gender Issues

Below is an excerpt from John Ensor's Doing Things Right In the Matters of the Heart (pages 58-59). I found it intriguing, bold, and I wanted to pass it on to my readers.

The Heart Lacks Confidence

The androgynous, asexual, gender-bending, role-reversing view of modern egalitarianism is so unattractive to me that I cannot help but think most of us publicly embrace it simply because it saves time and bother when we are in public. It is all so much "bar talk." Bar talk is my reference for the way in which people will agree with someone's forceful political opinion when sitting in a pub. No matter how asinine it might be, those at the bar will say, "Yep, You got that right, Bud." They agree because they are there to drink, not think. Privately they think something else, but why bother?

So it is with the inverted role expectations of so much of modernity. I wonder how many true converts there are. I must admit, though, that it has rendered men and women unsure of what it means to be a man or a woman, and it has made men and women insecure about how to relate to each other.

Women lack confidence in their desire to be a wife and mother. It is acceptable as a side dish, but should it be the main dish, something must be wrong with them. Men who want to do the right thing toward women are now unsure if it is okay even to open a car door for them.

Since most American cares now do not have a keyhole on the passenger side door, men are being told in now uncertain terms that chivalrous door-opening is out of style. In our sterile environment, a man merely pushes the key fob and the woman opens her own door. These small assaults on the cultural cues that help define manhood and womanhood have produced paralysis. Men are afraid to do the wrong thing when they should be confident in knowing and doing the right things.

Mahaney: The Gospel and Deliberate Complementarian Pastors

C.J. Mahaney did an excellent post on what it means to be a complementarian pastor and what the implications are on the gospel in regards to the gender debate. I encourage all pastors to seriously seek to not only read this article, but apply it. It could transform your marriage and your church.

Egalitarianism, Complementarianism, Grudem's "Open Letter," and Humility

Lately, I've been in an e-mail correspondence with Suzanne McCarthy, an egalitarian linguist who desires much of the Open Letter to Egalitarians by Wayne Grudem to be open for discussion again. I'm not exactly sure how many years an "Open Letter" is to be "open" but McCarthy feels that it has still not sufficiently been dealt with. I am a complementarian and would probably agree with Dr. Grudem on 99% of what he says, however, I do think if questions are asked, they should be answered. So here is the link to McCarthy's post. Though I disagree with McCarthy on much about the gender debate, I respect her willingness to humbly correspond with me.

In looking at her post, McCarthy may have answered some questions that Grudem posed and may have evidence that opposes some to Grudem's arguments about specific examples of Greek words used by ancient sources, but I don't think these answers ultimately define what the Scriptures teach about leadership, submission, and biblical roles. The roles are set out at the beginning of time and shown in the beginning of Genesis...before the fall. Ancient writings that sometimes translate a word differently from that of the normal Biblical translation can never change the fact that if we let Scripture interpret Scripture, there is one main teaching about biblical roles. Husbands are called to lovingly and graciously lead and wives are to intelligently and humbly submit. This kind of authority is not abusive, abrasive, or demeaning. It is a call for a husband to have a servant-heart which cares more about his wife than he does about myself.

I do want to remind everyone that in looking at the issues of Complementarianism and Egalitarianism, we do not do theology in a box. Try as we may, we have life experiences that we bring with us when we read the Scriptures. The goal for all of us is the let the Scriptures define our beliefs and not let our life experiences define what Scriptures are saying. I feel that the complementarian position best does this. McCarthy would disagree with me. Now, should I treat McCarthy as a less than human person type of wacko...of course not. She appears to be a sister in Christ and is a fellow "image bearer." Let's let humility win the day and allow the gender debate to continue...humbly.

I'm sure there will be some comments on this post, so let me encourage at the outset that I desire no one to bash Grudem or McCarthy, but you are welcome to give your opinion and thoughts humbly.