Intentional Manhood 9: Family Worship

It is often easy for a husband/father to lead his family to watch a movie or go out to dinner. A dad does not struggle turning on the game on Saturday to cheer for his team while his kids cheer on with him. However, an understanding that a father must care for and lead his family spiritually is dropped in many homes. Intentional manhood means leading our family to fulfill their purpose: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Family Worship is a tool that men can use to point their families to the Lord and show them the greatness and supremacy of the Lord.

Below is a post that I did a few months ago that specifically speaks to family worship.

My friend Fred and I were talking the other day and he spoke of the way he wanted to be a better father and the way he desired a passion for biblical parenting to spread throughout his church. He said, "You know, in seminary, when they talked about 'family ministry' I didn't have kids yet, so it didn't mean much to me." Now Fred has two young children and a third on the way. It is amazing how God uses our life circumstances to give us the same passions that he has. Fred is a humble guy, who desires to lead his family in loving the Lord. One of the ways he is seeking to do this is through "family worship" times.

Family Worship is the idea of a dad leading his family in daily or weekly concentrated focus on the Lord. It often includes singing, prayer, and Scripture reading. I had never heard of it until a few years ago, but it is a concept that has been rolling for years. I've enjoyed seeing the grace that God has poured out on my own family through doing this and I know He desires to pour that same grace on other families. Here are some great quotes to tell you more about family worship and the role of parents in leading their children spiritually. They stir my spirit to make me want to be a better dad.

-John Newton (1725-1807) “I think, with you, that it is very expedient and proper that reading a portion of the word of God should be ordinarily a part of our family worship; so likewise to sing a hymn or psalm, or part of one, at discretion; provided there are some people in the family who have enough of a musical ear and voice to conduct the singing in a tolerable manner: otherwise, perhaps, it may be better omitted… If you read and sing, as well as pray, care should be taken that the combined services do not run into an inconvenient length.”

-Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758) “Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by his rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual. If these are duly maintained, all the means of grace will be likely to prosper and be successful.”

-Richard Baxter (1615-1691) “We must have a special eye upon families, to see that they are well ordered. The welfare and glory of both the Church and the State, depend much on family government and duty. If we suffer the neglect of this, we shall undo all. Therefore, if you desire reformation, do all you can to promote family religion.”

-Matthew Henry (1662-1714) “Masters of families, who preside in the other affairs of the house, must go before their households in the things of God. They must be as prophets, priests, and kings in their own families; and as such they must keep up family-doctrine, family-worship, and family-discipline: then is there a church in the house, and this is the family religion I am persuading you to… You must read the scriptures to your families, in a solemn manner, requiring their attendance on your reading, and their attention to it: and inquiring sometimes whether they understand what you read.”

-John Knox (1510-1572) “Brethren, you are ordained of God to rule your own houses in his true fear, and according to his word. Within your houses, I say, in some cases, you are bishops and kings; your wife, children, servants, and family are your bishopric and charge… Of you it shall be required how carefully and diligently you have instructed them in God’s true knowledge, how you have studied to plant virtue in them, and [to] repress vice. And therefore I say, you must make them partakers in reading, exhorting, and in making common prayers, which I would in every house were used once a day at least.”

-Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834-1892) “First, let us begin by emphatically declaring it is parents (fathers in particular) and not the church who are given the primary responsibility for calling the next generation to hope in God. The church serves a supplementary role, reinforcing the biblical nurture that is occurring in the home…

[HT: Steve Wright]

Intentional Manhood 8: Social Justice

When looking at history it is often easy to say, "Wow, why did they not see that?" We think of Nazi Germany and don't understand how people could murder others in the name of obeying the governmental authority. Each culture has its blind spots and some of these blind spots are the difference between life and death.

In a similar way, I think that future generations will look at the early 21st century and say, "Wow, why did they not see that?" The "that" they will be speaking of is abortion. Most in the medical field no longer argue that a "fetus" is not a baby. Most agree that it is. The argument is whether that child's rights are more important than the mom's rights. Is the right to life more important than the right to choose, or not?

Biblically, it is clear that murdering is wrong. Biblically, it is also clear that life is created by God. So, why would we allow murder to happen everyday and say and do nothing about it. As a Christian man, it seems like a pretty big blind spot to me.

So what must we do? We must speak out for the unborn with our voices, our wallets, and our votes. We must not leave this to the "other guy." We must not think that this is an issue that only women should care about. An intentional man sees a civic duty to speak against evil and not assume others are going to do it. Once again, we have to fight against the passive inclinations to not worry about it. God desires his children to care about the lives of others.

Social Justice is not the primary call to the Christian, the gospel is, but the outworking of the gospel will propel us to issues like this. To claim a love for the Lord and a love for others, yet remain silent in social issues seems utterly sinful. Men, we must stop ignoring the issue of abortion and other social issues that plague our society and live our lives defined by Scripture.

Lord, give us eyes to see and wills to act.

[Here is a related post by Joshua Harris]

Intentional Manhood 7: Devotion Time

Though this is #7 in this series of posts, it is probably #1 in the priority of being intentional as a man. If a guy does not have a vibrant relationship with the Lord in private, it will show in public and in the home.

I've counseled numerous guys who are struggling with lust or laziness or pride and as I begin asking them questions about their devotion time, I find out that it has diminished or has lacked for a long period of time. The greatest way to fight for joy, renew your mind, and live out what biblical manhood is intended to be is by being a man of the Word. Knowing your Bible and applying it to life is the primary tool to be a godly man. Donald Whitney says, "No spiritual discipline is more important than the intake of God's Word" (Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life, p.28). And it is not just about knowing your Bible, it is about knowing the God of the Bible. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another..." This shows us that the way we change is by seeing the God of the Bible for who he really is. We change by beholding him. We behold Him by reading, meditating on, and memorizing His Word.

I can tell a distinct difference in my attitude, the strength of my fight against temptation, and my overall care for others if I spend time in God's Word in the morning or if I don't. My mind is renewed (Romans 12:2) and my joy is refreshed by surveying the wonderous cross through the written Word. My perpective on life becomes less about me and more about God's view on the world.

Much like prayer, our intake and meditation on God's word should be regular. We should set regular times to interact with God's Word and be changed by it. If you are like me and are weary in the mornings, it may be helpful to begin your devotion time reading a different book (to get the engine of your brain going) and then pick up your Bible. These are some books that I have found helpful in reading just a page or two to get my heart and mind primed.

• When I Don't Desire God by John Piper
• The Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent
• Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem
• God is the Gospel by John Piper
• What Jesus Demands of the World by John Piper
• The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul
• The Enemy Within by Kris Lundgaard
• Quest for More by Paul David Tripp

I also encourage you to read chapters 2 and 3 of Donald Whitney's Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. They are excellent in giving you a renewed passion for God's Word.

Obviously, men are not the only ones who need God's Word, but it seems that if men would lead in being passionate about God's Word, families and churches would be dramatically strengthened. The spiritual depth of the home starts with the husband/father. If we don't do it, we are putting our wives in a hard position and we diminish the glorious gospel to our children. There is no greater gift that you can give your wife and children than a love for God's Word and you leading by example.

Intentional Manhood 6: Prayer Time

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If this is the only way I pray, then shallow is my every day.

We are all busy, but are we too busy to speak with the Creator of our very being and the One who allows each breath that we take. Many men think that prayer is an optional part of the Christian life, but rather, it is the source of the Christian life. Communion with God is primary for a man to lead his wife and children well and to walk humbly with his God.

I recommend men praying in a devotional time in the morning. This starts the day off with a focus on God rather than on self. We can bring our thoughts and concerns before him, but we can also have our perspective on life change as we focus on Christ's substitutionary death on our behalf. My prayers and my review of the Gospel through my prayers help me fight for joy in the Lord each morning. It is a way to "speak the gospel to yourself" instead of listening to yourself (borrowed from Jerry Bridges).

Our prayer life is not only to be by ourselves. Praying with your spouse can be a wonderful window in hearing your wife's conversation with God. My wife and I are still growing in prioritizing this, but as we have grown in this area, it has been a joy to cast our burdens before Him and also hear what her primary concerns are in life. I have learned so much about the priority and purpose of prayer from a good friend, Philip, who is from India. Apparently, the Indian Christians take prayer to a whole new level and it also takes marriage to a whole new level. There is an added intimacy with God and with each other when couples pray together.

Lastly, we should pray with our children. The way we can teach our children to pray is by allowing them to hear us pray. I'll never forget the time I heard my brother-in-law pray the same phrase that my father-in-law often prays as we prayed before a meal one Christmas afternoon. We learn from those we are around. Our children hear us and they learn how to talk to God by our prayers. We can teach them to pray spontaneously as they see us praying spontaneously...in the car, at our house, before meals, before bed, when we wake up, as we hear bad news, as we evangelize, and in preparation for church.

Men, let me encourage you to pray. Lead your family by praying...pray for them and with them.