A Missing Link: Ecclesiology and Femininity

For much of my life, I did not understand the Biblical priority of the local church. The idea of loving a local church was like loving a post office. You appreciated the post office and the services that it provided, but "love" was such a strong word. After some study (both from Scripture and using good books) I realized that my view of the local church was not the same as Christ's emphasis on His church.

Recently, I was thinking about why we don't see femininity very often on television or in movies (or pretty much anywhere). When I say "femininity," I'm referring to a femininity that is joyfully rooted in a woman enjoying the gift of being a woman, yet not seeking to take on the role of a man at the same time. I thought "what's missing?" Well, I think what's missing for many woman, even Christian women in their lack biblical femininity is the absence of being around other godly women.

So, what is the key biblical passage for this thinking. Titus 2:3-5. In these verses of Paul's letter, we see that older women (those who are godly ladies and probably in the same local church) are to be teaching and instructing younger women. These ladies are to pass down how a young woman is to be a wife, a mom, and be positioned toward the home for the purpose of godliness. Along with the home, the local church is the context of teaching this femininity...at least it is supposed to be. I'm thankful for the many woman in my local church who seek to pass down femininity to their daughters as well as to the younger ladies in our church. They are building into woman to help have strong marriages and strong parenting which display the gospel of Jesus Christ.

As we approach Thanksgiving this week. I am thankful for these ladies who exemplify what it means to be a Christian woman. As John Piper says, they are amazingly feminine and have backbones of steal. Piper says that his church is full of them. I'm thankful that my church is too.

Boundaries That Protect Your Marriage

A couple of weeks ago I had someone request that I write a post about what boundaries my wife and I have set up in our marriage, specifically to protect each other. At first, I just assumed that we were like every other Christian couple in this, but then I thought of the marriages that I have observed of the years and so I thought I would make a list. Please feel free to add to the list and also know that my wife and I do not think we have somehow "arrived" in the battle against sin or fighting temptation. Here are a few thoughts...I pray they are helpful.



1. We will not ride alone in a car with a person of the opposite sex. Okay, yes, I will ride alone with my mom, but you know what I mean. I heard Dr. Daniel Akin say to a bunch of pastors, "You will never have an affair if you are never alone with another woman." I thought that was a pretty good safe-guard. Akin also said that he prayed that the Lord would "Take him out" before he ever did that as well. Which is another interesting thought.



2. We will not counsel someone of the opposite sex behind closed doors



3. I copy my wife on e-mails to women



4. I tell my wife about conversations that I have with women over the phone. I lead a care group for our college ministry, so occasionally a college girl will call to speak with me. I try to not be on the phone long and direct all counseling to my bride.



5. I have a weekly accountability meeting with a friend who is willing to ask me any hard questions. My wife walks with a close friend 2 to 3 days a week, so she also has regular accountability.



6. When watching TV or a movie, my wife will say "keep looking at me" to warn me against an inappropriate image on the screen. My wife will also do this if we are walking at the mall or near any Victoria's Secret. It is so helpful.



7. I get ESPN magazine and I really enjoy a lot of the articles, but I always allow my wife to go through it with a "sharpie" before I look at it. She will draw clothes on ladies and sometimes some pretty funny pictures on the faces of once seductive ads.

8. My wife and I will communicate with each other if we get an uncomfortable feeling about someone of the opposite sex. I remember a college girl who wanted to work in the youth ministry years ago and I just thought there was something odd about her. I could not put my finger on it, but she scared me a bit because she seemed like she was a bit needy for male attention. I told my wife about this and I felt God's grace in talking with her about it. The college girl did not last long in our church and I was suspicious of why she fled so quickly. I don't want to be uncharitable, but I do want to guard my wife, myself, and our marriage.

9. I try to not get on the internet at my home unless someone else in my family is around. I know that temptations are greater when you are in secret. I also talk about my internet use to my wife. I don't want to fall into the downward spiral of pornography. It is a deadly poison.


Please understand that this list is what works for our marriage. I do not want to be simplistic and say that all men everywhere are the same as me...so find what works for your marriage. Be open to conversations about temptation and seek to flee temptation. Our spouses are gifts from God to help us battle temptation...let them help protect the relationship. It will only enhance the gift God has given you...your marriage!

A Cultural Critique: Trapped in Neverland

Carl Trueman writes an excellent article about the way our current culture idolizes children and the way many refuse to ever grow up.

I know that many of you will not read the entire article, so here are a few parts to give you the general tone of Trueman's thought.

"But it gets more disturbing than simply finding people in their twenties and thirties acting like spoiled children. Parents are becoming increasingly involved as well. With two sons in travel football (that's soccer to any American readers), I have stood on too many touchlines where parents act like frustrated two years olds as the game does not develop as they would like; and, again, as a professor, I have had unpleasant experiences with parents too. Being told by a parent that their child is `young and immature' works for my wife - she teaches at a church nursery, dealing with three year olds - but it wears a bit thin when the problem child is eighteen, nineteen, twenty....thirty.... And that this kind of stuff seems more common in the church than in the secular world is disturbing. It does not inspire much confidence about the future and, if anything, provides anecdotal confirmation to those who see religion in general and Christianity in particular, as a refuge for the emotionally retarded."

When seeking to solve the stated problem Trueman says,

"Second, we need to stop idolizing our children. At twenty seven, I had a wife, a child, a Ph.D. and a monograph from Oxford University Press. I looked for all the world like an adult. Then I got myself into a bit of financial difficulty, to the tune of about two-hundred pounds, a small sum but not when you are at the bottom of the British academic payscale and a one-income family to boot. I phoned my father for help. He read me the riot act about financial irresponsibility, helped me get out of the immediate fix, and told me that he never, ever wanted me to call and tell him I was in such a fix again. He loved me but he did not idolize me; he knew it was time for me to stand on my own two feet. I loved my dad, but he scared the daylights out of me with that talk. Yet, looking back, that was one of the moments which was the making of me: look, son, you're big boy now; look after yourself and don't come crying to me every time you screw up. A sobering, critical moment in the relationship between father and son; but, in my dealings with others, it finds increasingly few parallels. Touch the child, even the one with the beard, the wisdom teeth, and the warm fuzzy memories of the time when New Kids On The Block were all the rage in High School, and you touch the sacred idol; you can expect the parents to come a-calling."

Intentional Manhood 15: Work

When it comes to colleges, I am a Tennessee Volunteer fan and my wife is a Clemson Tiger fan. We both enjoy college sports and both of our teams are having horrible football seasons this year. Both head coaches have been fired during this season and both of them were given a nice bit of cash as they left their positions. Last night, I realized how much my 4 year old was listening to my conversations with my wife. Here was how our humorous conversation went:

My Daughter: “Daddy, is coaching something only boys do or do girls do it too?”

Me: “There are both men and women who coach.”

My Daughter: “I want to be a coach when I grow up.”

Me: (with a puzzled look) “Why do you want to be a coach when you grow up?”

My Daughter: “So I can get fired and get a lot of money”

You see, my daughter understands that we work in order to get money, but what she fails to understand is that most people don't get a lot of money when they lose their jobs. She also doesn't understand that our work has far greater purposes than simply making money. In order to understand the purpose of work, we must understand where it started.

Working is not just an idea that began with farmers, the industrial revolution, or Donald Trump. In Genesis 2, we see that God created man to work the ground prior to sin coming into the world. Work was not a bad thing, it was purposeful. It's purpose it to glorify God.

Colossians 3:22-4:1 speaks to this and reveals three primary thoughts that a Christian should have when thinking about work.

1. We are to work with integrity in mind--Christians are not just to give superficial service to their employer. We are not to give "eye-service" to attract attention for the purpose of self exaltation. Christians are to have the integrity of heart that points to Christ as the source of good work and points to Christ as one for which good work is done.

2. We are to work with our identity in mind-- Christians are ultimately working for Jesus Christ, not a company. We are citizens of heaven and our identity is most clearly shown in the cross of Jesus Christ. We are sinners in need of a Savior. Thus, we do not worship work, but worship the Lord of the work. We do not neglect work, but work hard as unto the Lord.

Speaking of work, Leland Rykin says, "The dominant work ethic in the Western world today is economically based. It values work as a stepping stone to the acquisition of either goods or prestige. The deficiencies of this work ethic are that it is sometimes insufficient to motivate people to their best work, it induces many people to overwork, it devalues unpaid work, and it ignores more enlightened motivations and rewards for work” (Redeeming the Time: A Christian Approach to Work and Leisure p. 134). Christians must guard against such thoughts of work. We must fight the slow drift of viewing our work the way that those around us may view work. We are not "working for the weekend" or thinking "TGIF...thank God it's Friday." Yes, we can desire rest, for it points us to the Lord of Rest, but we must do our work unto the Lord.

3. We are to work with intentionality in mind--It is so easy to waste time in the work place. YouTube, Facebook, e-mail, widgets, bathroom breaks, water cooler talk, day dreaming, and blogs can all be subtle forms of not doing our job. Yes, we are all prone to wander in our own unique way. Intentionality will help us from this drift and will allow us to use our job location to build friendships with unbelievers, grow in discipline, and have a joy in knowing that we are obeying our calling in the workplace.

Since the vast majority of men in the United States are employed or are seeking employment, intentional manhood must look at being intentional in our workplaces. If we ignore our spiritual lives in the place we spend 40 to 55 hours per week, we are hardly being intentional.

Here are some recommended resources that have served me when thinking about the topic of "work." Please feel free to add more in the comments.

• Business For the Glory of God by Wayne Grudem
• The Pastor and His Time-- Podcast with Joshua Harris, C.J. Mahaney, and Jeff Purswell. This is for pastors, but anyone would benefit