20 Minutes to Change Your Marriage

I was sitting through a seminar the other night and the speaker, Davis Carman, made a statement that has had me think a lot. He said that there is a crucial 20 minutes of a man's day that can really bless his wife and change his marriage. He went on to explain that if a man would think through these specific times and ask his wife what blessed her during these times, he would be setting a trejectory for a successful marriage. Here are the specific times:

• The first 5 minutes when he woke up in the morning


• The last 5 minutes before he said goodbye for work


• The first 5 minutes when he walked in the door from work


• The last 5 minutes before he said good night

Of course, the time a man spends in God's Word and in prayer is the most important part of the day, but I think Mr. Carman is on to something. What if men intentionally greeted their spouse with gratefulness and grace at the beginning of each morning? What if he lavished love on his wife and kids before he left for work in the morning? What if he greeted everyone in the afternoon by seeking to show interest in their day and not just having a self-focus that sought rest more than relationship? Finally, what would a marriage look like if along with the other 15 minutes of wife-focus, a man sought to honor his wife and communicate his affections for her as they were going to bed? I think this couple would be growing in communication and would be joyfully helped. Obviously, every family has different schedules, but the priority of a husband seeking to be intentional toward his wife is primary...and a little 20 minute change could have big implications for God's work in a marriage.

Abortion as Racism

Abortion is one of those issues that some people think is not that big of a deal and others find it a huge deal. I personally think it is one of the major blind spots of our culture and that it is ridiculous to ever say killing a child is okay.

One of the sad realities that has been gaining traction is the way that the link between abortion and racism is so prominent. I am glad that these connections are finally being linked, but I am sad that the statistics are often overlooked.

Reading the WORLD Magazine issue on the abortion debate was helpful, but even more specifically, Lynn Vincent article, "Black Genocide" was staggering.

[HT: Justin Taylor]

A Response to the "Open Letter"

When I wrote “A Semi-Pragmatic Less Theological Open Letter to Egalitarians” I figured that I would get a couple responses…maybe three to four. I was a bit surprised when many more people were willing to answer my question. I was (and continue to be) grateful for the interaction with those who have a different view of biblical roles than I do.

Now that the “open letter” is officially closed (since it ended on Dec. 31, 2008), I thought I would give a few thoughts to the responses.

Overall, I’m not sure the letter was that helpful. I think it did bring some clarity to how egalitarians think and it did bring more interaction with egalitarian in my “inbox,” so I am grateful for the friendships I am building, but overall, it seemed to me to be yet another debate in cyberspace that went on and on until everyone got bored with it…and probably moved on to another debate.

Personally, I think the practical questions are important because they show the true groundwork theology that people believe. I find it hard to believe that you can reconcile an egalitarian lifestyle if you are trying to submit to all of Scripture. Many (almost 78 people) disagree with me on this, but my conscience still rests with my reading of the English Bible (with my Greek Bible Works program) to see what the original author intended by what he said.

In writing the “Open Letter,” I also had some surprises. First, I learned why Wayne Grudem and others never write a second open letter. It is because you will never be able to adequately respond to all of the questions, comments, judgments, and genuine interactions that come from the first one. Secondly, I think I hit a nerve with some readers. Many assumptions were made about me, my marriage, my family, and my parenting because of what I wrote and how I asked the questions. I must say that I grew in the sanctification process through the blog post…and I am thankful to the Lord for that. Thirdly, it was interesting to me that many commenters desired more to argue with how and why I asked the question rather than answer the questions. Many did not even answer the questions, but simple argued about answering the questions.

To the egalitarians who commented, I would like to say “thank you.” I am grateful for the many e-mails I’ve received and beginning communication to clarify both of our positions. Let’s continue the conversation in e-mails and phone calls and in more personal ways that comments cannot provide. May God’s truth ring true and this debate and let the heat of the debate refine all of us.