Sitting across my desk from a married couple can be a joyful experience or a grievous one. Many couples who desire counsel regarding their marriage see the sin of their spouse very clearly, but are oblivious to their own sinful issues...or at least see them as secondary.
My default mode is to go to the guy. I figure that if the husband was doing his job in leading the family and was sacrificially loving his wife, he would have already been dealing with the problem months and years prior. I think if the husband can see God's plan to change his own heart (and attitudes and actions) then the wife will learn to follow this model of biblical change.
Now, I don't believe 100% of the problems in a marriage are the husbands, but I think this is the biblical place to start. I think this is one of the biblical burdens that falls on the guy. Is he "loving his wife as Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5:25)? Is he, "living with his wife in an understanding way" and "honoring her" (1 Peter 3:7)?
Guys, welcome to leadership...the husband gets commended when it is going well and he gets the heat when it is not. A happy, holy wife is a wonderful endeavor for a husband. A husband must learn to keep the pulse of how his wife is doing (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and if it has gotten to the point that they are in my office for marriage counseling and he is pointing the finger at her...he is in need of some biblical adjustment.
[Men, if you are in marriage counseling and you realize you are not romancing your wife very well, here is a good jewelry site to check out! It’s pretty cool because they can even help you custom design jewelry especially for your bride. I know different ladies like different types of jewelry, so this site may be helpful find those diamonds or romantic gifts.]