Marriage Counseling: It's His Fault

Sitting across my desk from a married couple can be a joyful experience or a grievous one. Many couples who desire counsel regarding their marriage see the sin of their spouse very clearly, but are oblivious to their own sinful issues...or at least see them as secondary.

My default mode is to go to the guy. I figure that if the husband was doing his job in leading the family and was sacrificially loving his wife, he would have already been dealing with the problem months and years prior. I think if the husband can see God's plan to change his own heart (and attitudes and actions) then the wife will learn to follow this model of biblical change.

Now, I don't believe 100% of the problems in a marriage are the husbands, but I think this is the biblical place to start. I think this is one of the biblical burdens that falls on the guy. Is he "loving his wife as Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5:25)? Is he, "living with his wife in an understanding way" and "honoring her" (1 Peter 3:7)?

Guys, welcome to leadership...the husband gets commended when it is going well and he gets the heat when it is not. A happy, holy wife is a wonderful endeavor for a husband. A husband must learn to keep the pulse of how his wife is doing (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and if it has gotten to the point that they are in my office for marriage counseling and he is pointing the finger at her...he is in need of some biblical adjustment.

[Men, if you are in marriage counseling and you realize you are not romancing your wife very well, here is a good jewelry site to check out! It’s pretty cool because they can even help you custom design jewelry especially for your bride. I know different ladies like different types of jewelry, so this site may be helpful find those diamonds or romantic gifts.]

Learning to Lead

What happens when Brian starts thinking about pursuing a girl toward marriage and he comes and says, "I think I need to learn how to lead, do you have anything I can read?" By God's grace he is asking the question BEFORE he is in full pursuit of this young lady.

So, what do you give him? One of the best articles on leadership that I have seen is John Piper's "The Marks of a Spiritual Leader." This helpful article speaks of different godly characteristics that a guy should have and be pursuing when thinking about leadership. This article is not just for young guys, but for all men to think through and access themselves when it comes to their family life, devotions, and church leadership. I give it "two thumbs up!"

Boys Becoming Men

A helpful resource for helping a young man learn how to practically grow in godliness is Al Mohler's "When Does a Boy Become a Man?" I frequently go through this article with college guys who want to prepare for marriage. Mohler gives 13 points that boys need to grow in to become a man. I ask the college guy to tell me what 2 to 3 areas out of the 13 he needs to focus on. It gives me great insight into seeing where he is spiritually and if he is humbly accessing himself. This article has often blessed the young ladies in our church as well because their future husbands are learning how to be responsible and care for them well.